Sadomasochism

Wikipedia offers the definition; “Sadomasochism broadly refers to the receiving of pleasure— often sexual— from acts involving the infliction or receiving of pain or humiliation.” or “While the terms sadist and masochist specifically refer to one who either enjoys giving pain(sadist), or one who enjoys receiving pain(masochist), many practitioners of sadomasochism describe themselves as at least somewhat of a switch, or someone who can receive pleasure from either inflicting or receiving pain.”

Again, something in my life I can’t quite decide on, haha! I’m bisexual (I’ve been in short-to-long term relations with both genders, and a trans gendered person as well), and an active switch. Friends often tease me that I’m either indecisive, or greedy or something along those lines. I just find that I do enjoy both sides of the coin in relation to a lot of aspects of my life, but especially when it comes to sexual interest, happenings, and such.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand!- Sadomasochism.

I’m still not sure where pain falls into my experience with BDSM, but as time goes on, I’m finding myself more and more drawn to it, both to give and receive it, of . It goes hand in hand with the physical dominance and marks being left from scenes, both things that I like (Despite me having to rely on gear over my own physical strength to restrain someone) so I think it’s a fairly natural transition to want to explore pain play. For those who know me on FetLife, I’ll assume you’ve at least seen and maybe read my writing about pain (Found here: http://fetlife.com/users/354394/posts/575917). As I mentioned in it, pain is something I have a semi-natural aversion to, which started because of my general clumsiness and made itself more known through a couple of my bad relationships. Again, while I do wish they hadn’t happened, it could of been worse in a way that I would never want to explore anything with relation to BDSM ever again… Thankfully nothing that traumatizing had happened! The scars are fading, and I’m getting over it a little bit more every day, with many thanks to both my wonderful partner and amazing friends!

Back to experiencing pain… It’s something I’ve yet to really introduce into scenes as a top yet, but something I’m working my way towards. I don’t imagine I’d ever want to draw blood (I get squeamish when blood’s introduced to play) but I do love leaving marks that last at least a couple hours. I think my approach to being a sadist holds a lot more grandeur in my head, but in actual actions, I enjoy using sensation to make someone squirm. Predicament bondage (Read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predicament_bondage) and over stimulation are two things I’m exploring and so far enjoying, and I think I’m getting better at it as well! I’m learning that while gear can help with some things, sometimes nothing better then my own fangs and claws, as it were.

With regards to receiving it, it’s not something that I’ve explored with my current partner for a couple private reasons. While sometimes I wish they’d be a bit rougher, I think the fact that I have no real alternative to trying things out on myself is helping me cope with what’s happened, and where I want to go with it. So far it’s been an enjoyable experience, which I’m more then happy to report.

I hope to continue this tentative but eager experience in the same direction it's started off in, wish me luck!